Praying that the road is long

Turns out that for me the road to mission is a little bit longer than I expected it to be. I am back in Maine and facing a new set of challenges, still trying to figure out how to go overseas on mission. After praying and reflecting, speaking with the program directors and my fellow mission candidates, talking to friends, and learning to trust intuition I decided to leave Maryknoll (with their open invitation to return next year. I had such a wonderful experience that it was difficult to say goodbye, but it brought me peace to do so. 

Wednesday Night Lindsay, Minh and I had signed up to cook dinner, and that was the evening that I also announced to the group. We had set up dinner in the downstairs classroom and put out candles with fruit, cheese and crackers to start, and then soup and creps for the main course. Sister Genie brought her guitar and we sang some farewell songs. I am going to miss our sing alongs! Then Erica brought down some music and we danced. After sitting in class all day it is good to move around and get our blood flowing!

The next day, Thursday, 11 went to class while I packed up my room. Thursday was the most difficult day because as I packed I mourned what I knew I was saying goodbye to and wrestled with thoughts, second guessing the peace that I had felt the day before. But I felt so blessed too. That was the first snow! The unanticipated change in weather was as brisk and surprising as the change in the direction my life is taking. It was also the feast day of St. Teresa of Avila, my confirmation Saint. As I have to some people upon my return, a part of me wishes that I was there but the whole of me knows that I am being led in a different way, that I couldn't hope plan out myself.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19 Praise God!

There is no one thing that made the decision but certainly the change in financial arrangements was a factor. Yet as I was discerning I recalled the way that I felt called to Guatemala, and that while I did not initially know how I was going to pay for it a scholarship came in the day of my birthday that made the trip possible. That, to me, was a blessing from God.

I know that where there is a will there is a way, and that if this mission organization and timing was right that obstacles would be possible to overcome. Yet, in the discerning process there was more that I was struggling with than just money.

I did not want fear to be a factor in my decision making. I have  always liked what Ralph Waldo Emerson said about the thing that you most fear is the thing which you Must do, and I like challenging myself, pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. As we met with SHARE a non profit that does work in El Salvador one of the Representatives mentioned that the murder rate in El Salvador (smaller than Maine) is 16 per day. That there are gang problems, violence against women, domestic violence, and many other huge issues. While I am sane enough to be intimidated by those factors, God gives out hearts faithful enough to remember the witness of many missioners before me, before Maryknoll even who faced such challenges and while suffered emotionally, physically, and were spiritually challenged more than they could have possibly anticipated- I am the kind of person who is crazy enough to believe that prayer, combined with community can endure such overwhelming challenges. That healing is possible (and almost always necessary in mission).

Also, I originally was seeking to learn another language and placement in El Salvador would limit me to Spanish for three years. I feel that with my young brain I want to take advantage of learning as much as I can now. I had originally accepted the placement, but in August we received notice that it was not for sure (and it was only within the past two weeks that we found out if our regions were remaining open).

So why am I back? I wanted to go right away but persistently I felt "Not yet, not yet". While I am a driven person and want to follow through I could not ignore what I knew in my heart but didn't (and admit don't) quite understand... couldn't articulate. I don't think of this time as arriving home. Yes, I am back but I am not home. I am on mission in Maine will not be home in my heart until I am on overseas mission. For me in ways this uncertainty of where I am going or what I am doing next is the biggest challenge. I am someone who is always active, and wants to accomplish things. In coming to Maine I think I am entering a more contemplative period of discernment and desire to really enter in to Faith.

Friday morning I took a train out of Croton to Grand Central, took a subway to chinatown than took the Fung Wah bus to Boston. I took another bus to Boston where Robert, my friend Manju's husband picked me up. I spent a few days with them and their three month old. Manju and I studied for her anatomy and physiology class and at night I started to teach  her some salsa steps. In the kitchen she gave me more Nepali cooking tips. On Monday Robert went to work in Portland and dropped me off at USM where my brother Joe picked me up. I got home around 9:50 in the morning and it just so happened that my Dad's 10am patient (my father is an optometrist and sees patients in the house) was Norm, who is a professed Dominican layperson active in our Church. I had had some conversations with him as I was planning for mission. Since he had to wait around the office for a half hour after getting his eyes dilated I took advantage to talk to him. His wife is hosting a Saturday retreat to help people discern what their gifts are to give to God, so I am planning on attending that!

I spent the morning studying my EMT book because I am looking to get a job or volunteer on an ambulance. I have a job at Starbucks again- but its the one in Brunswick.  A friend is going to lend me a bike so I can get to and from work but I hope that it is only temporary. I am seeking out other mission organizations and keeping in contact with Maryknoll praying and discerning where God wants me to serve. 

I also tuned and took out my "barbie guitar" at home last night. I started strumming, and received a text message from Elba my former room mate from Puerto Rico who had helped teach me guitar while I was there. We had kept in contact through the internet but I hadn't talked to her in probably a year. That was providential to me. I will also take this time to work on music, and study language tapes from the library. I want to learn so much!!! 

I feel SO blessed for the time that I spent at Bethany. It was like a month long retreat. What I got out of it was patience, and the faith to hold myself back from leaping until its time. I am enjoying the beautiful fall leaves, and accepting that they each drop in turn to leave the tree bare. Bare but still with the promise of spring. I don't know what this winter will bring, but I am praying the the road is long, full of adventure, full of knowledge.

WASHINGTON DC WEEK!

What a wonderful week!! We stayed in Takoma Park at the residence of the Society of African Missioners (SMA... it is originally a french mission group and have houses all over the world training lay missioners and religious). Since there are 13 in our group and 7 in theirs four people from our group went to stay at the Franciscan lay mission building a couple metro stops away. We all shared meals together though - very cozy, and slept on mattresses on the floor in the basement, living room, and upstairs. There is also a chapel in the building and Father Dan lives in the house. They pray the liturgy of the hours every morning and night together (at 7 am in the morning) and celebrate mass every night, though they altered the schedule to accommodate our very busy days. The first day was a retreat at the BEAUTIFUL Franciscan monastery along with the Camboni lay missioners, African Lay missioners, and franciscan lay missioners. Father Mike, a franciscan, led the day and it was perfect because it was the day after Francis's feast day. He talked about his work in Bolivia, as well as Francis's life story. At lunch we ate outside in the garden area in the warm sun as we enjoyed the architecture and depiction of our Lady of Lourdes. The weather for the week was PERFECT- it got to be above 80 on Thursday! The next day we spent as a workshop where a speaker representing act!onaid spoke about human rights programs, the challenges and issues with the current economic policies, and the work that their group does. A former lay missioner also gave a presentation, and then representatives from the offices of the Bolivian ambassador and Tanzanian ambassador came to speak about their countries issues, perception of americans and missioners, and problems that they would like missioners to address. During our break we walked down to the Washington monument as the capitol is right across the street from the Methodist building where we met. From left to right: Me, Lindsay (who will serve in Cambodia), Brian (of the African Mission Society, SMA) and Jackie (also SMA)Behind us in the picture you can see some tents. They are actually many houses being built for a solar decathlon where 20 colleges and universities  (INCLUDING the University of Puerto Rico! GO GALLOS!) competed to build energy friendly houses powered only by solar. The winner was judged by architects and designers judging the marketability, design appeal, scientists testing the water flow and engineering, lighting design, and several other areas.

Back at the house Steve cooked us a delicious meal and we played board games and Sister Genie played her guitar and taught me a couple new songs. 

The next day we went to the Maryknoll Office of Global Concerns (MOGC) which is located on the campus of Catholic University right across the street from the beautiful Basilica and National Shrine. We met with them the following day, and they brought in several NGOs doing work in the regions where we were serving. It is inspiring to see all the good that all these organizations do, to know that it is a team effort in the field and at home. 

The following day I met with the aids in congresswomen's Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins offices as well as my local representative Chellie Pingree to introduce myself, talk about where I will be going and what I will be doing. 

Some people headed home Friday night but I decided to stay the weekend. Saturday I spent the day with Tom who will be serving with the Society of African Missioners, and Cindy and John a maryknoll married couple from Kansas who are in my class and will be headed to Kenya. They are retired teachers, and their eldest daughter Katrina has been working in Nigeria for the past couple years as an unofficial missioner. We spent the morning at the Holocaust museum. It is very powerful the way the museum is set up. They also have displays and lots of information about the more recent officially recognized genocide in Rwanda, Bosnia, and Sudan. 

I split from the group to visit and have lunch with my Uncle Joe and see some of the sights in the area. Afterwards I met back up to go to mass at the Basilica. Right after mass a Boys choir was performing in the Crypt below and we went to listen to the free concert. They were amazing. There were probably 40 in their group, ages 6 to 60. Some songs just the younger boys would perform, and some just the men.

The next morning at breakfast we said goodbye to Father Dan and all the SMAs and were on our way back on the Chinatown bus. We arrived home just in time to grab dinner at the Italian Fest bazaar in town this week and enjoy the music and festivities. After a long week I need to go to sleep so I can be up for morning prayer tomorrow!

Buenas Noches y Dios te bendiga!

We arrived safely back at Maryknoll. Below you can see a picture of Lindsay and I as we stand on the balcony attached to the library of the father's and brother's building.

Non-Violence and MK Legends

This past week we had a three day work shop on Non-Violent communication. The workshop was run by three lovely ladies. They are all retired and sweet grandmotherly types, but all have a quick sense of humor. They usually run this workshop in prisons or in juvenile detention centers, so for them it was an interesting experience as well. Later in the week we discussed "Mission Ecclesiology with Rev. John Walsh, who has done a presentation for every class of Mary knoll lay mission candidates for the past 35 years. There must be a misprint in all of his books because they say that he entered this world in 1913. I admire how strong the minds are of all the sisters brothers and priests that I have met despite all the struggles and challenges they have faced over the years. 

Last night we pressed apples, and so I had hot apple cider with breakfast this morning. I am finishing packing because we are headed off to DC early tomorrow morning. We will be back the following Sunday and so I will tell about the adventures of the week at that time.